Recently I keep coming on here and starting to write but it just doesn’t feel right, so I stop and stare at the screen and then shut my laptop for another day. I feel like in every last post I say – The next post won’t be so emotional, it’ll be back to the humour of my early posts. But I feel unsure of sharing humour, or sharing happy moments at the moment when we are living in a world which has moved from global pandemic to war, and people are suffering unimaginable terror, sadness, loss. What’s the right thing to do?
I suppose the answer is to look inwardly first and realise how bloody lucky I am. To soak up the time we have, to ‘try’ to live in the moment and enjoy, enjoy it all and by that I don’t mean you have to be chasing some big moment, or feeling like you have to constantly be striving to be more than you are, to have a better job, a bigger house or to go sky diving, learn to fly blah blah blah, or even have a big smile on your face every single day, that is impossible, but in general, I mean enjoy the life you’re living, its ok to feel content in the here and now, to enjoy the minutia of life if you’re lucky enough to be able to (I am going to get a bike though, and I’m gonna feel proud of myself when I start to ride it). To realise that by being able to walk down the street without fear of a bomb dropping or having to pack my children up with the bare essentials and bunker down underground while gunfire spews overhead. We are only born into our situations by chance, by sheer luck and it would be the greatest waste to take any of it for granted.
“To be content doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means you’re thankful for what you have and patient for what’s to come”
I started Rex and the City way back when I had my son (Rex) just over 6 years ago and it was always supposed to be like a diary, something myself and my children can look back on. I have a hand written diary for all of my children which I have written in consistently since the day each of them was born. They are filled with milestones and funny anecdotes, I can see them grow and change through those diaries and move into the people they’re becoming. It’s amazing to see how their characters differ but their bond is still so fierce
So while Juno is still very small I can already start to see her little personality come through, she is always smiling, this huge gummy grin, or staring with her huge blue eyes, entranced as she watches her brother and sister fight to cuddle her, lay on her, prop her up, put bows on her, squish her, talk loudly in her face, even put make up on her when I’m not looking (Stella Brown!). She is just Joy personified.
Stella is my little diva, a girls girl, larger than life, knows her own mind and is smart as a whip. She loves her siblings fiercely, and has a knack for getting her own way. But she’s also sensitive and can get shy if she’s asked to do something in front of people she doesn’t know or feel comfortable around.
And Rex, my eldest, the one who made me a mummy. He has a beautiful old soul, he’s sensitive, brave, independent, a thinker, in fact at parents evening the other evening his teacher told us he has a ‘great mind’ I’ve always thought the same. He’s also boisterous with an unrelenting amount of energy which we try and keep in check with what feels like millions of sports clubs.
They’ll all be different as they get older, but I hope they will continue to be each others biggest fans, biggest supports and biggest protectors. One thing this time we find ourselves in has taught me is how important it is to cherish all the moments, sing the praises of every accomplishment, show unconditional love and make sure they feel proud of themselves always.
This week we go back to South Africa and I can’t wait to write my first old school travel blog when I get back, I’ve always known that life can be short and maybe that’s why I find it so important to have everything noted down. So alongside getting my bike, I’m going to stick to making sure this next blog really is fun, and really does take advantage of a gift like travel. See you on the other side.
full set up on the airport floor, next stop Cape Town!
Well its been a minute, last time I wrote was during a time of tragedy, last time I wrote we had just suffered the still birth of our daughter Daisy (August 2020). Whilst we still grieve (& always will) we also have had an incredibly joyful moment with the birth of our daughter Juno in October 2021 and nothing could describe that moment better than this quote that I read:
‘It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. It means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and cloud. Without the storm there are no rainbows; and here, in life after the rain, one can still find joy.’
I want to start writing again, I’m no literary master but I enjoy it & if there’s one thing we have all learnt from this lock down its to start doing things we enjoy more, regardless. Also I like the idea that the children can read back over these little life stories as they grow up. I want to document Juno’s entry to the world as I did with the others, so here goes…
I was booked in to be induced at 10am on Thursday the 7th of October after a relatively high stress, high anxiety pregnancy, I had been constantly worried about getting prepared for her arrival with things like getting the bassinet out and clothes etc incase it would jinx it all, but I was being monitored & scanned every 2 weeks and looked after by a top consultant which helped settle my nerves no end. The children were getting geared up to meet her with Rex, for some reason, fascinated to know whether she would have the same skin colour as us or if she would be black…I wasn’t entirely sure why he was so eager to know this, but I assured him that if indeed she was black that I would have some quite serious questions to answer from daddy. I had kept the pregnancy very low key, only telling people when it was too obvious to not, my poor father didn’t know till I was 6 weeks away from having her, we were meeting him in Italy for a holiday (he was coming from home in South Africa) and I thought he would otherwise have the shock of his life!
Imagine turning up to a holiday with your daughter you haven’t seen in 8 months because of Covid and she’s THIS pregnant & you had no idea…
The end couldn’t come fast enough, I was desperate to get our little girl out safe and sound so when it came time for the induction I was more than ready. However, when we got to the hospital on Thursday morning it was clear that staffing was short, 10am came and went then at 4pm they tried a “gentle” induction but after some contractions we were back where we started. So at about 2am Chris went home and I tried to get some sleep. Friday drifted along and I was constantly being told that they were too busy to do the induction so not only was I getting stressed but also was acutely aware that I’d only bought one change of clothes…so my idea of feeling and looking nice, clean & vaguely human after having the baby was quickly scrapped (don’t judge you all know how important the immediate post baby shoot is for getting that shot for the gram). Anyway, after a full breakdown to one of the kind ladies on the ward I was finally moved upstairs to the induction room at 10.30pm on Friday, I promptly tried to get hold of Chris but it seems that a late night in the hospital on Thursday had meant he was just absolutely exhausted on Friday night (In my head this is being said & should be read in the most sarcastic of tones) and therefore slept right through my labour. Thankfully I had a wonderful midwife and aside from a blip when my blood pressure dropped massively and I more or less passed out and could just hear “her heart rate is dropping” and came round to being injected with some kind of medicine, it was a very calm and peaceful labour. She arrived without fuss on Saturday the 9th at 09.20am, Just her and I, it was peaceful and perfect.
You gotta love him 😂😂 note m y message at 10.39pm Friday and his response the next morning, followed by all my missed facetimes just after she had been born 😂
I was desperate to get home after having been in the hospital for what felt like forever, though they wanted me to stay in for another 24 hours I begged and so after some checks I was able to leave about 6pm that same Saturday. I was so excited for Rex and Stella to meet Juno, Chris had been sharing videos with them that I had sent him from the hospital and he had said they were already soin love with her.
I remember Rex meeting Stellafor the first time how excited and interested he was, so watching them then both meeting their new sisterafter losing a sister and the excitement from them was just the best ever! Please also note Stella’s best impression of Moira Rose’s Bébéin the video. Everyones favourite Frenchie took the role of eldest sibling as seriously as he always has, monitoring me extra closely in the week leading to her birth, curling up round my tummy whenever he could. He was a constant source of love and therapy after losing Daisy and so I think he knew he was needed even more this time round.
She better get used to being squished all the timeCouldn’t love him more 😭🥰
Even though it was the third time round, I couldn’t remember a damn thing about when a baby does things, when was I going to sleep again? That should read when AM I going to sleep again (as we enter the 4 month sleep regression)? How do you tell if they’re constipated? how often should they poo? Is she blind if she isn’t looking me by day 2 (genuine question I kept asking Chris)? I looked back in the diaries I have written for the other two, but turns out I hadn’t filled them with anything of any use rather written pages of smooshy love letters to them, which is lovely but entirely unhelpful. Much like her sister she was not one to enjoy her own space, but instead preferred to be curled up in my arms, which I was happy not to do anything to stop despite the strictest of midwives saying its creates bad habits, quite frankly I didn’t care, the joy of her little self curled in a ball in the crook of my arm, like a little hot water bottle, cooing as she slept was worth it.
and so here we are 4 months in to the day and in the midst of sleep regression, exhausted but utterly joyful too. She is the smiliest little lady (turns out she’s not blind 😅) so after a sleepless night she drops a huge grin and all is forgiven. Rex and Stella constantly suffocate her with love and whilst the initial change brought with it a range of emotions from them (more on that in another post) they are settled into life as a trio (plus Tony) and wouldn’t have it any other way.
This morning as my husband got up at the crack of dawn to go and play golf and I was once again left with the slightly daunting prospect of another day trying to creatively entertain a toddler I thought of something I read recently in the Huffington Post – A truly brilliant article by Dr Vanessa Lapointe which I urge all parents living in this fast paced screen filled world we live in to read .
Standard morning of me trying to get stuff done, whilst being ordered to ‘cuddle baby’
Dr Lapointe talks about the need for children to be bored, for their minds to ‘awaken’ and for them to make their own magic and their own fun, for them to get creative. She talks of the fast paced world we live in now and how parents often feel like they need to respond to their children’s supposed boredom with outings a plenty, activities and as a last resort (or sometimes first resort) – screen time. She also mentions her husbands life as a child growing up the countryside, this resonated with me as my sister and I grew up in the countryside, nothing but land and adventures to be made, we would take ourselves off on long walks, make up games, pretend we were different characters and immerse ourselves in ourselves in our own imaginations – yes I know it all sounds a bit famous five but my father was brought up in the African Bush and his adventure stories were magical to us – we imagined the Jungle book in real life. My mother though brought up in London was Irish and loved all things creative, she also instilled in us an ‘everyone should chip-in’ work ethic – my sister and I helped with house work and learnt from a young age to respect the things we were given and to help out where we could. These are all things that have stayed with me throughout my life and are things I want my own children to learn.
However, when I was reading this and thinking, yes, yes, yes I totally agree with all of it, It also made my stress levels go up a little. My son is still only a toddler so not quite at the age that I think Lapointe is referring to, but also I feel that living in London, or any city makes it all harder. Space is limited, particularly outside space so though I try to encourage Rex on some days to make his own fun, to enjoy the toys he has and to go out in the garden on those sunny days.
Loves nothing more than throwing his Duplo everywhere and then settling down to read.
I don’t think more than one or two days of this is really feasible without both of us going stir crazy. We are lucky to have a house and garden but in any city a huge proportion of people are in flats. So on those days when you can’t do another day inside London certainly offers up a lot of options. There are dozens of amazing parks, city farms, soft play spots, sports clubs, childrens members clubs, in fact there is pretty much everything you could possibly think of to entertain your child on a daily basis. Though a lot of things are not cheap, once every so often is fun and also opens childrens eyes to all sorts of fun new experiences. There are also plenty of free options – get some friends together and hit up one of the parks or grab a bottle (milk or wine!) and head to one of your houses – a problem shared is a problem halved as they say.
There is also the app Hoop which you can download and find a million things to do in your area too.
No gender stereotyping in this house – Rex on the way to a playdate with his beloved baby, named ‘Baby’
Tea for 4 while the mummy’s catch up
Hampstead Heath homies
Couple of hunks hanging out in Battersea park
As for screen time – it seems to be a much debated issue amongst parents, journalists, bloggers, behavioural experts… everyone really. But honestly it’s really no-ones business but you’re own, you do what you can do and to be honest sometimes everyone needs 10 minutes of peace and quiet and if an episode of ‘Hey Duggee’ is what gives you that, then hell, put it on. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that’s really all it is, an opinion. Myself, I try to say no to iPads and iPhones, though some emergencies require them (ie. on a delayed 40 hour flight to Australia!), and I say at 5pm while I make supper ‘yes’ to sticking on some wild cartoon which can only have been created by an LSD induced mind for half an hour. We all make decisions on how to raise our children, how to entertain them, how to ensure they grow into kind, interesting, rounded adults – no single person’s way is right and no single person’s way is wrong – we should all remember that before we judge others.
I have put a few options below for those West and South West London Mums looking for options to keep them and their little people sane.
On the 18th of May we found out that I was pregnant with our second child, and so in January 2018 as our little Rex turns two we will also be eagerly anticipating the arrival of his little brother or sister.
I know I bang on a lot about how much I love a bath, but honestly the humble bath is not merely a place to get clean after a long day, it’s a place of total relaxation, of solitude where you can think about the days events, giggle about events of the day, cry (I remember having the day 5 blues after Rex was born and crying in the bath for what felt like hours).
I am a total water baby, I love it, adore it even. The sensation of being surrounded by water, floating around and diving in and out of it is the most natural and relaxing thing in the world to me.
For the past 5 days and counting I’ve been ill, which sucks (obviously) and by ill I don’t mean a little tickle in my throat or a stuffy nose, I mean a full on evil virus which took me down and beat me to an exhausted, immobile pulp.
The other day I was walking home from dropping my son at nursery when a scooter came flying past me (on the pavement I might add) at such speed that the huge child on it almost sent me flying, I was about to start F’ing and blinding but thought better of it (8am is too early to be reprimanded by the parents for swearing at their children).
Sometimes I feel like time is whizzing by so fast that I just want to be able to press the stop button and take stock of everything. There rarely feels like time to reminisce, but I’m going to take a little time to reminisce about this day four years ago, It was my wedding day after all…
Four years ago today I woke up with an ever so slightly fuzzy head, my father had taken out my side of the wedding party and their partners plus some friends that were flying in from various location for dinner and (probably too many) cocktails and champagne. We took on East London in the only way my family know how and it was the best send off I could have asked for.
My dad, entirely responsible for slight fuzzy head.
The best thing was that after taking on Bermondsey Street, I went back to my sisters where I was staying the night before my wedding, we snuggled into her bed and my brother in law read us a bed time story, it was actually the fairy tale of Rapunzel…we were drunker than I thought.
pre wedding pic my sister took and posted to Facebook while we were out…standard us chat
Fuzzy head lasted for only a moment or two because then I realised it was my big day, not only that, I realised that it was snowing and not just the usual crappy London snow, I mean it was really snowing…but we are British so we don’t care about a bit of snow, we will push on through, delays and tantrums have no place here!!
I love organising parties, in all shapes and sizes, even just a chilled dinner party for 4, right up to dinner for 500 as I would do as part of my job. The most important thing to me when organising anything, and I mean literally anything is that it feels authentic that when people are with us they feel relaxed. I can’t stand pretentiousness, so with our wedding we wanted to do something that would reflect us entirely.
Before I write anymore and because I am a huge photograph lunatic and will be using so many photos in this blog, I want to thank our incredible photographers who captured our day in the most beautiful way and we are forever indebted to them. So if you ever need wedding photographers Karina and Tom at Richmond Pictures are your people!
There is nothing quite like putting your wedding dress on for the first time since you tried it on initially, this time with hair and make up all done, I genuinely felt like a princess (cringe, I know) I remember beaming from ear to ear. I found my wedding dress in the first shop I went to, Mirror Mirror in Islington, where my sister got her dress. I chose about 10 dresses to try on and had in my head that I would be leaving with a lacey bohemian style dress with a long train, but came out with a Pronovias number which was XXXXXXXXXX it’s true what they say, you know when you know.
My favourite detail was the feathers along the top of the dress each one intricately hand sewn onto the dress.
I was pretty clear on the look I wanted for myself for our wedding, I know my own style and I wanted to be classic, bohemian with a little rock n roll edge (it makes me cringe writing that, but I couldn’t think of a better way). So to compliment my dress I had a beautiful flower crown made by our florist Emma Floral Designs.
I didn’t add to much else as the flower crown was the statement piece, instead I wrapped a long string of purls that my grandmother gave me round my wrist. A spritz of my favourite scent (Chanel Allure) a lick of red lippy and some fake lashes and I was set.
Brute and his groomsmen got changed at the brilliant Zetter Townhouse in Clerkenwell which is were we also stayed on our wedding night. I love the hotel, it has such a great old school feel without being at all dated. You sort of feel like you’re in a cool movie from the 40’s.
Brute getting prepped
I want this to be my study at home
They even prepped with a stuffed boxing kangaroo for these two Aussies
The guys all wore Ascot style morning suits with a champagne colour tie with a yellow calla lilly button hole. I’m all for a morning suit at a wedding!
As i mentioned earlier, we were #blessed (literally hate that term) with snow that day, anyone that has lived or even been to London knows that bad weather = hideous traffic, I have no idea how a city that should be used to adverse weather conditions still cannot cope in them. Anyways, our wedding car was ‘Molly’ the VW camper van from the amazing VW Love bus company and our super wonderful and lovely driver Paul was stuck somewhere, and time was ticking…however we had champagne and the knowledge that one way or another we were going to get there.
Look at her, the beauty
we certainly turned a few heads driving through central London and into the hallowed grounds of Lincoln’s Inn
Yes Tony was part of the wedding…and yes he wore a tux
The one thing that Brute and I didn’t decide on at lightening speed was probably location, Brutes family are in Australia and my dad is in South Africa, we toyed with doing a location wedding such as the South of France but in the end it probably should have been the simplest decision to make. We met in London, live in London and the majority of our friends are in London, plus obviously it had to be somewhere that Tony could also come, so London it was! We were lucky enough to have been able to get married at The Honourable Society of Lincoln Inn Chapel as my father was ‘called to the bar’ there and so is a member. The chapel is incredible and was consecrated in 1623 – Factoid or what!!
I mean look at those windows!!
Organ central
Spot tony’s little head walking up the aisle like a pro
tonnes of blooms and some pink socks!
Now we all know that it wasn’t going to be a wedding without my first born in attendance so Tony of course walked up the aisle with me and was there for the whole ceremony and the reception. In fact he kinda stole the show.
My beautiful bridesmaids 🙂 Dresses were picked up on the Fonthill Road were cheap as chips but (I think) looked lovely
My sister and absolute best friend in the world, I don’t exaggerate when I say we speak probably minimum of 5 times a day and she got me through this whole process plus we used her wedding photographers, her Wedding dress shop and her pork pie idea…awks
Just as it should be, big pimpin’ with the ladies
We didn’t have a videographer and in some respects I regret that, but I also love these really real little video clips, many of which Brute’s sister took throughout the day and evening which we are so grateful for. Also it really cracks me up watching me march around with Brute holding my dress up so high its just lucky it had several layers.
With every event there is always a slight hiccup, ours was that one of the London Buses we had hired to take people from the church up to the reception in Dalston, broke down…not ideal, particularly when it’s freezing and none of you know where you’re going. We had left the reception venue as a surprise.
All I can say is it was very lucky that we had provided everyone with mini bottles of champagne for the journey, a little bit of something to warm the cockles. Chris and I meanwhile were in the VW (which had no heating) freezing our asses off and waiting till all the guests had arrived so we could get to the reception venue. Our saint like driver had packed us our own champagne so there was only one thing for it, start the reception early…oh and do a little photo shoot.
Cloisters at Lincoln’s inn
Snowy urban vibes
The reception venue was probably the hardest thing to find, I didn’t want a traditional London venue, I wanted something with a bit of edge to contrast with the very traditional regal style church ceremony. I stumbled across The Depository whilst reading Stylist Magazine It is one of the venues owned by Castle Gibson and I knew it was the right place straight away so I called them immediately, I had to do a little bit of begging as they are almost constantly booked out with photo shoots and music videos, infact the location is where the original Dragons Den was filmed. It is totally unassuming when you pull up to it, we had hired the ‘House Next Door’ as well as the Depository So guests would arrive into the house which is this beautifully run down House with open fire etc and then go through the courtyard and into the depository warehouse – Do click on the links as they show some fantastic images of the venue which I can’t do justice in describing.
Including this super old MG which was parked out in the courtyard
The final thing we needed to choose was the caterers, my darling friend and super star chef Carina recommended we use The Recipe , a lot of people get quotes and do tastings with various caterers before they settle, but we were totally blown away by the food, service and attention to detail they provided we didn’t bother. You’ll see a pattern here, when I know, I know! We had a delicious and pretty drunken tasting with them, where they designed us a his and hers cocktails of Whiskey Sours and Gin and Elderflower Fizz
On top of the cocktails, we had Champagne and Wine flown in from South Africa from my favourite vineyard Buitenverwachting which is just up the road from my fathers house and Brutes friend Duncan Sambrook provided kegs of beer from his own Brewery aptly named Sambrooks Brewery plus all the old faithful spirits incase anyone should need an emergency shot of vodka.
The dinner area was beautifully put together by Emma Floral and the Recipe incorporating all of our ideas. Our colour was yellow for spring (even though it was snowing) with Sunflowers being the main flower. I wanted dashes of yellow everywhere to make for a happy and inviting room and little lights and candles to bring a sense of romance. I am a HUGE music fan and am particularly obsessed with music from the 60’s and 70’s so Brute and I decided that our Table names would be legends of the Music scene, with the top table, my all time hero Bob Dylan.
Sorry for the Photo Frenzy, but a bit of an idea of the look we went for
One other little thing that we did was to put a little yellow pin badge on everyones place which had their name, then Soph + Chris and the wedding date…I actually can’t remember why we did it, it seems a little speed dating esque?!? Ours had Bride, Groom, Father of the bride etc Oh I just remembered why we did it, haha it was instead of having an actual name place on the table and then the guests could wear them for the rest of the evening (still a bit speed dating style).
Name badge modelled by Brute
Speeches are always a big part of every wedding and I think the hardest thing to get right, you don’t want too many, you don’t want them to be too long and you don’t want them to be rude, or at least not too rude (keep the swearing at bay people). I, as I’m sure every bride does, loved our speeches we had Brutes mum kick of the proceedings and then my father followed by the groomsmen and finishing with Brute.
Here’s a clip of my dad nailing his speech at a solid 7 minutes, with no swearing, lots of laugher and the right amount of sentiment…how biased am I!! HAH!
(I would put all of our gorgeous speeches up, but that would involve me doing a lot of cutting, my dads (on top of be awesome) was ready to go in one file).
But here is a picture of Brute that his groomsmen blew up as part of their speech (alongside several other pretty brutal ones).
After dinner its traditional to have the bride and grooms first dance, so we moved downstairs, but actually Brute had put together a beautiful slideshow of images particularly of my mum and dad which was extremely special as mum passed away when I was younger. So my dad and I did the first dance to ‘Donovan – Catch the Wind’ a song that always reminds me of them.
We had one last little trick up our sleeves, I say up ‘our’ sleeves but we actually copied it from my sister and brother-in-law’s wedding (though they had it as a late night bite and had an actual wedding cake also). Instead of having a lovely cake, we thought, hmmmm our crowd likes to eat and drink and I don’t know about anyone else, but when Brute and I are drunk we like to get up in some serious savoury foods, so with that the Pork pie wedding cake was decided!
To get everyone partying we booked in DJ and friend (and actually insanely good Tailor in Notting Hill if anyone of you men out there need a suit) Russell Cliffe took to the decs to spin old 45 records until midnight at which time we were booted out.
We also had a Polaroid camera which we encouraged people to take lots of pictures with, it was the best way of capturing people in the moment. We have tonnes of them, I’m going to use them for a secret interior project.
In the knowledge that we were going to be booted out at midnight due to it being in a residential area and as a pretty seasoned party girl, I wasn’t about to end the wedding then. I had, naturally, preempted this and had booked The White Rabbit Cocktail Club for those that still had it in them, and I’m please to say most of the party joined, I don’t have that many shareable photos from then as we were all blotto, I vaguely remember leaving at about 1.30am and tripping over outside the bar and landing flat on my face and then being piled into a black cab. I don’t think I need to include any photos from the end of the night, it wouldn’t shed anyone in a good light. All I can say is thank god we had organised a brunch and cocktails on the Sunday to get our head right before we head off on our Cuban Honeymoon (blog on that to come).
I know I did an early rant about how amazing our photographers were but Karina and Tom also thought it would be worth contacting the magazine Wedding Flowers and Accessories as they were interested in doing a real life wedding piece, and lo & behold having sent in pictures and an interview, they only went and bloody chose us!
Looking through all these pictures and videos (of which there are so many more) really brings back a whole wave of emotions, how lucky we are to have the family we have who love and support us unconditionally. How lucky we are to have the friends we have, that like to laugh and sing and dance as much as we do and who offer a shoulder to cry on whenever we need. Finally how lucky we are to have found each other, as the inimitable Bob Dylan said when talking about his great love Suze Rotolo and whom he also wrote ‘Boots of Spanish Leather’ (our first dance song) about:
‘The air was suddenly filled with banana leaves. We started talking and my head started to spin. Cupid’s arrow had whistled past my ears before, but this time it hit me in the heart and the weight of it dragged me overboard…’
REX & THE CITY 