BABY ON BOARD

I’m on the home straight now with my pregnancy (as opposed to life in general I hope) In fact I am on maternity leave officially from 6pm this Friday – It seems strange to say your going on maternity leave when you only work 1 day a week, but having said that I more or less work all the hours that rex is at nursery so I’m not hanging out watching Escape to the Country all day – though my god I would love to do that. Normally all my work is done from home, but recently I have been travelling into town on one morning a week and what that has reminded me of is the good old London Commute and how much I bloody hate it.

The thing is everyone hates the rush hour commute don’t they, no one wants to be shoved like sardines into a metal box with coffee breath and smelly armpits shoved in your face, but that’s life. What does drive me slightly nuts though is the zombie like nature of people on the tube sometimes. Last week at 34 weeks pregnant I had to go into town at rush hour, so for the first time in two pregnancies I pinned on my ‘Baby on Board’ badge and waddled to the tube station. As presumed the station was pretty full and the trains arriving were much the same, but I got onto the tube with my badge glaring at the members of the public in front of me. Having not worn said badge before I sort of assumed it would be akin to wearing a flashing siren with a tannoy demanding that people immediately move and vacate their seats for me. However this was far from the case instead I got eyes firmly placed in phones as if glued to the screen and unable to look anywhere else. The other thing I noticed was the the awkward side glances, quickly looking up or across at me, and quickly looking away. I get that no-one wants to have to give up their seat at rush hour, and honestly If I hadn’t been in my third trimester and suffering from pretty bad Pelvic pain I wouldn’t have been too bothered, as I said before this was the first time I had worn my badge in two pregnancy’s.

I know people will be thinking, why didn’t you just say something? Ask someone to politely give up their seat for you? Well the answer is, I totally could have and on my way home I gently locked eyes with someone and in my terribly British way apologised profusely whilst asking if I might possibly bother him for his seat. He duly got up without making eye contact at all which perhaps was for the best. But on the way into town that morning as my blood pressure was rising I thought I would just stand there and see what happened, a little experiment shall we say. I counted that in each seating compartment there were 12 seats so in each carriage were were 24 plus the areas by the door where they have those padded bench things you can at least lean against. What struck me the most was that in the 24 seats that were in my carriage, ALL 24 people occupying those seats were on their phones, and I don’t mean listening to music but with eyes at least up and aware. No they were all face down in their phones, probably watching you tube clips of cute puppies dressed up as Santa (we’re all guilty) or watching the latest Netflix drama. I don’t know exactly why it pissed me off so much, but it really did (It’s lucky I didn’t have rex with me too or it may have tipped me over the edge.). I’m fairly sure most people get home from work and watch plenty of crap on TV (I know I do) so why do we need to spend every moment of unoccupied time watching a screen also? In an environment where you’re with other members of the public isn’t it nice to be a bit more aware of your surroundings?

I’m sure many of you have seen this animation by Steve Cutts, I fear it rings more true with every passing year.

 

I am just as guilty as the next person of spending too much time on my phone, but it is something I am acutely aware of, infact I wrote about it before in a previous blog Unsocial Media but I do try and stay off it in public, unless I’m listening to music or boring friends with another picture of Rex or Tony.

I digress, I have spoken to various friends about this, both female and male and I totally take on board that if someone isn’t wearing a badge when pregnant and on public transport there is most definitely that stressful feeling of ‘is she or isn’t she?’ People can’t be expected to guess and risk mortifyingly offending someone on their post christmas diet. I did that very thing about a year ago, a lady got on who was not at all big but had a round tummy which made me think she was pregnant, my instinct though was to immediately stand and offer her my seat. She then took on the terribly British role of apologising TO ME and saying she wasn’t in fact pregnant but had just had her baby a week ago and so had the postpartum tummy, I died inside, but she instantly, upon seeing my cheeks flush, said she was grateful for the offer anyway.

So what is the answer, I think it’s quite simple really. If you are pregnant and know you will need/want to sit down on public transport wear that badge and wear it in pride of place so it can’t be missed, it’s only fair. Failing that I’m afraid you might have to muster the courage to ask for a seat (though I hope you would be spotted first). Members of the public who aren’t pregnant/disabled/elderly, be aware, pull your eyes up and off your phone every so often to check the people around you, if it looks like someone is less able to stand than you then get off your backside and make room for them. Simples!

Please do leave a comment if you agree, disagree entirely, or have your own story to share, I’m open to all 🙂 xx

I might need a bigger badge…

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A tale of Tantrums and Tiaras (but with no tiaras)

The strangest thing happened last week, as if a switch had been flicked, my normally horizontally laid back son developed a little attitude, a tiny Liza Minnelli seemed to be emerging from somewhere deep within. The word ‘No’ suddenly became his all time favourite word in the dictionary and diva demands were being thrown around willy nilly.

I was waiting for this illusive time commonly known as the ‘terrible twos’ but wasn’t sure in what shape they would take or when they would arrive. Rex is just 22 months (as of a couple of days ago) and I think this may well be the beginning of it? Suddenly he’s decided he can have an opinion on things which is entirely uncool at this point in proceedings.

This is an example of our daily conversations…

Me: ‘Rex, shall we go to the park?’

Rex: ‘No’

Me: ‘Rex, shall we read some books?’

Rex: ‘No’

Me: ‘Rex, are you looking forward to your playdate with XYZ?’

Rex: ‘No’

Me: ‘Rex, do you want a snack’

Rex: ‘Snacks, snacks, yes, biscuits. banana, snacks, satsuma, biscuit’

Rex: ‘ Hey Duggee, Hey Duggee, HEY DUGGGGEEEEEEEEE’ (to those that don’t know, Hey Duggee is a cartoon and Rex love for it is on a Fatal Attraction level)

Me: No, you can watch something later, let’s go to the park

Rex: *throws himself to the floor in full dramatic rage – cue fake crying, panting and panic attack

Me: *sighs

 

Please note the eye roll and please ignore the fact that I myself appear to be lounging on the sofa in the middle of the day…

 

The thing is I often sit watching in total confusion having to look away as nervous laughter takes over. Also he does the very very best eye roll when he’s about to have an ‘episode’. If i’m really lucky he’ll catch himself being a total diva too and also get the giggles.

I actually feel a little guilty writing about this, pathetic I know as its the most common thing ever and the ultimate in first world problems, but no-one ever wants people to think their children are anything but perfect and genuinely most of the time Rex is a legend (have to put that in incase he reads this one day).

So to the actual point of this, does one give in to the tantrums and allow their toddler to just do what they want so desperately to do and risk the onset of spoilt child syndrome? Or should one be terribly British and put their foot down at all costs? No child of mine is going to think they are in charge…are they? Or is the best thing a mix of the two?

Today for example, I picked Rex up from nursery and was told that he had been wonderful today and very caring, apparently during ‘circle time’ a little girl wasn’t into it and was screaming and crying (totally feel her pain) and Rex had gone over and rubbed her back and cuddled her, so with some smugness and feeling of total pride I took  my perfect, caring, extremely well behaved son home for his nap. Upon entering his room he promptly lost his shit had a massive meltdown in his cot, throwing himself from one side to the other resulting in him smacking his face into the side of the cot, cue total outright uncontrollable tears. At this point I bit my lip, checked he was ok and said goodnight – Strong, in control, on top of it all mother don’t you think? But then when an hour later her was STILL sat in his cot talking to his stuffed toys whilst intermittently shouting ‘MUMMY, MUMMY’  I cracked, I brought him downstairs where he immediately started asking for ‘Hey Duggee’ normally cartoons are allowed from 5pm (‘normally’ being if everything has gone entirely to plan that day, which is extremely rare) but today I just couldn’t be arsed to have the fight and I have work to do so…on went Hey Duggee and out of the window went my control.

Life is so hard – imagine being asked to take a nap in the middle of the day…

In the video below please watch for the ‘whoops’ upon realising he’s maybe gone too far. Then the Cheeky grin, before finally asking for what he wants…’Hey Duggee’

 

It’s worth noting here that when I say I have work to do, I really do, but I have just noticed that of the 6 tabs I have open on my lap top at this very moment, 3 are online shopping tabs (Mr Porter, Net a Porter, And other stories) which are hovering in the check out stage whilst I have an internal fight about what is ACTUALLY necessary to buy – none of it is – it could be there for days whilst I think of possible justification for at least one of the purchases). One is Pinterest where I sporadically make moodboards for my dream house (we start phase 1 of a monumental renovation the week i’m due baby 2…don’t ask) one is my personal email (which receives nothing but crap and receipts from orders I’ve managed to justify – yesterday was a new cake stand…) and the final one is actual work, looking at me with total disappointment.

Anyway, I digress, Maybe that’s ok though? I mean I’m almost 30 weeks pregnant, can hardly concentrate as it is, am eating more chocolate than I thought humanly possible and generally could do without the extra hassle of trying to debate with a toddler.

I would genuinely love to know how other people handle the days when their toddler is behaving like something akin to a crazed baboon? Do you tough it out and stick to your guns or do you cave and go eat a bar of chocolate instead? I’m a bit of both I think, I mean who has the energy to play the tough love card all the time without a chocolate break or two?!?

 

 

 

There is Power in Positivity – 2nd Trimester Feels

It has been far too long since I last wrote, but to be honest sometimes life just takes over and finding any time at all to just sit down and have a moment to write or really do anything seems impossible – I feel terrible actually writing that as there is always time to do these things, if you make it, but I’m trying not to stress too much about it and to be honest, any extra time I might have I sometimes just want to spend aimlessly staring into space absorbed in my own thoughts (or sometimes no thoughts at all) its like a form of meditation isn’t it? and I’m pretty sure they say meditation is good for the soul and all that and actually particularly good for the pregnant soul, so really I have been spending my extra time wisely.

I’m now in my second trimester, also known as the ‘false sense of security stage’ apparently. Morning sickness has all but vanished, I’m no longer struggling to stay awake past 2pm and my bump has popped out so I’m feeling all in love and magical and mother earth like. It’s around now that I’m sure people start thinking (including me) that they want to have a whole brood of children. I’m loving it though and I’m fully invested in the false sense of security, aside from the fairly intense pelvic pain, I’m so excited to meet this little babe and start the crazy process all over again

I remember when I was pregnant with Rex, so many people would give me the ‘say goodbye to your sleep’ ‘life as you know it is over’ blah blah blah chat. Now I’m a pretty relaxed person and I take things in my stride so I don’t tend to really listen or take that kind of chat as a given. It’s the same with child birth ‘It’s the most painful thing in the world’ ‘god, good luck with the birth’ I have to say I do find it surprising that people go for the most negative outlook on something that is so incredible and not only that, but it’s not the nicest thing to say to someone who hasn’t had a child yet and is excited about it too, particularly coming from another mother – what a way to dampen the spirits!

So now I’m about to embark on baby number two – I’m encountering the ‘oh two is SO much more work’ ‘Good luck, it’s exhausting’ ‘two is so different to one’ and I’m blocking it out entirely – If you want to tell me something about having two children, tell me something positive, cause I personally am pumped about it and am therefore taking an only positive line, all other comments will be buried in the ‘ oh bugger off you miserable git’ compartment of my brain. I mean we’re bloody lucky to be able to have one, so two is a straight up magic.

With my first pregnancy I was working and working long hours, I struggled terribly with a bad back and feel like my enjoyment came from the fact that I was just so excited and overwhelmed to be having my first baby as opposed to actually embracing and enjoying the pregnancy and changes in my body. So this time, now that I have more flexibility I’m really trying to enjoy the time and the change in my body and the different stages. I really want to look after myself this time. So far I’ve found staying in vague shape a bit easier as I have a little time to work out while Rex is at nursery, by that I mean I see a Personal Trainer once a week and then try desperately to go to the gym one other time all the while telling my PT that I’m working out at least 3 times a week – But even just one time makes me feel so much better. Though the best work out is running around after Rex and lifting him all over the shop. It was also absolute bliss having a break away in Spain for 10 days, after having felt pretty ropey during our trip to Portugal in the First Trimester, this time I felt able to totally enjoy it and relish in the time with my little family, before we become a little bigger.

 The one thing that I am finding almost impossible to keep under control of is my intake of sugar – I literally could eat an entire sweet shop dry on a daily basis, I have a pretty sweet tooth at the best of times (when I say pretty sweet tooth, I mean I have the Willy Wonka of sweet teeth) but this is OUT. OF. CONTROL – I can’t even write what I’ve consumed today as I won’t be able to sleep I’ll be so overrun with sugar coated guilt. Oh well, sod it – I can’t drink so I’ll damn well eat a tonne of sugar instead.

The weeks are flying by and at almost 26 weeks now I’m over half way there and sometimes I have a little panic that I want to spend as much time with Rex as is possible as I know that of course when Baby 2 comes along my time is going to be a bit less readily available so I’m doing everything I can to make this time as special as possible and taking an almost insane amount of photos while I’m at it.

 Not only am I packing my days full spending time with my little boy, doing some work and some working out, running a house and having play dates, family dates and dates with friends, we have also decided we absolutely must start the first part of our house renovation…good timing hey? We bought this house as a renovation project but by the time we moved in I was about to give birth to Rex and so we DIY’d it to a liveable state and then we just got used to it and were busy being parents to a new baby. Now 20 months down the road we are suddenly realising that we need to do the renovation, and fast, but with baby number two due in 3 months we are in a bit of a mad rush to see how much we can get done before it’s too late – I do fully realise we should have started this earlier but that’s just how we roll, no wonder I’m craving so much sugar.

So though there aren’t many moments of the day that are free to just relax and stare into space as I said earlier – I feel positive about things to come and want to try and keep it that way. They say a multi tasking mummy is a happy mummy…don’t they?

 

One Multi Tasking Mummy

 

There’s no time to be bored in a world as beautiful as this.

This morning as my husband got up at the crack of dawn to go and play golf and I was once again left with the slightly daunting prospect of another day trying to creatively entertain a toddler I thought of something I read recently in the Huffington Post  – A truly brilliant article by Dr Vanessa Lapointe which I urge all parents living in this fast paced screen filled world we live in to read .

Standard morning of me trying to get stuff done, whilst being ordered to ‘cuddle baby’

Dr Lapointe talks about the need for children to be bored, for their minds to ‘awaken’  and for them to make their own magic and their own fun, for them to get creative. She talks of the fast paced world we live in now and how parents often feel like they need to respond to their children’s supposed boredom with outings a plenty, activities and as a last resort (or sometimes first resort) – screen time. She also mentions her husbands life as a child growing up the countryside,  this resonated with me as my sister and I grew up in the countryside, nothing but land and adventures to be made, we would take ourselves off on long walks, make up games, pretend we were different characters and immerse ourselves in ourselves in our own imaginations – yes I know it all sounds a bit famous five but my father was brought up in the African Bush and his adventure stories were magical to us – we imagined the Jungle book in real life. My mother though brought up in London was Irish and loved all things creative, she also instilled in us an ‘everyone should chip-in’ work ethic – my sister and I helped with house work and learnt from a young age to respect the things we were given and to help out where we could. These are all things that have stayed with me throughout my life and are things I want my own children to learn.

However, when I was reading this and thinking, yes, yes, yes I totally agree with all of it, It also made my stress levels go up a little. My son is still only a toddler so not quite at the age that I think Lapointe is referring to, but also I feel that living in London, or any city makes it all harder. Space is limited, particularly outside space so though I try to encourage Rex on some days to make his own fun, to enjoy the toys he has and to go out in the garden on those sunny days.

Loves nothing more than throwing his Duplo everywhere and then settling down to read.

I don’t think more than one or two days of this is really feasible without both of us going stir crazy. We are lucky to have a house and garden but in any city a huge proportion of people are in flats. So on those days when you can’t do another day inside London certainly offers up a lot of options. There are dozens of amazing parks, city farms, soft play spots, sports clubs, childrens members clubs,  in fact there is pretty much everything you could possibly think of to entertain your child on a daily basis. Though a lot of things are not cheap, once every so often is fun and also opens childrens eyes to all sorts of fun new experiences. There are also plenty of free options –  get some friends together and hit up one of the parks or grab a bottle (milk or wine!) and head to one of your houses  – a problem shared is a problem halved as they say.

There is also the app Hoop which you can download and find a million things to do in your area too.

No gender stereotyping in this house – Rex on the way to a playdate with his beloved baby, named ‘Baby’

 

Tea for 4 while the mummy’s catch up 

Hampstead Heath homies

Couple of hunks hanging out in Battersea park

As for screen time – it seems to be a much debated issue amongst parents, journalists, bloggers, behavioural experts… everyone really. But honestly it’s really no-ones business but you’re own, you do what you can do and to be honest sometimes everyone needs 10 minutes of peace and quiet and if an episode of ‘Hey Duggee’ is what gives you that, then hell, put it on. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that’s really all it is, an opinion. Myself, I try to say no to iPads and iPhones, though some emergencies require them (ie. on a delayed 40 hour flight to Australia!), and I say at 5pm while I make supper ‘yes’ to sticking on some wild cartoon which can only have been created by an LSD induced mind for half an hour. We all make decisions on how to raise our children, how to entertain them, how to ensure they grow into kind, interesting, rounded adults – no single person’s way is right and no single person’s way is wrong – we should all remember that before we judge others.

I have put a few options below for those West and South West London Mums looking for options to keep them and their little people sane.

Flip Out – Fab trampolining centre in wandworth

 

Battersea Park Zoo

 

The Corner House Cafe

Corner House cruising

 

 

Bertie and Boo

Bertie and Boo do the perfect date food

 

The Army Museum

 

The V&A – mainly in the summer for the outdoor splash pool that children can play in

 

Gambado

Sky Lark Cafe

Kew Gardens

The London Wetland Centre

 

Watching the Otters being fed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Óla First Trimester

On the 18th of May we found out that I was pregnant with our second child, and so in January 2018 as our little Rex turns two we will also be eagerly anticipating the arrival of his little brother or sister.

Unsocial Media

I haven’t written in a while mainly because I felt I needed to take a break from technology…from social media really. I don’t know about anyone else, but sometime it starts to feel a little all consuming. Don’t get me wrong I fully see it’s power, the fun of it, how useful it can be and informative. But also I feel like we all get a bit obsessed by it, instagram becomes a flood of selfies and self promotion and it can start to feel like a toxic environment. I’m writing this as someone who loves taking photos and who has almost certainly over shared at some point – but also as someone who see’s the need to take a step back, switch off the phone, delete the app and concentrate on the real world for a while.

I started my blog really to be more of a diary, I have written a  diary my entire life and saw this as an extension of that really.  I find reading other peoples blogs hugely entertaining and insightful and thought perhaps I could add to that in my own little way. Along with the blogs, I found the various forms of social media a triumph – I could find everything from places to stay in any country to tips on how to potty train to new brands of children clothes. Plus I just love seeing my friends photos of their lives. Along with the other many many positives I found it to be a bit of light escapism on those days when you feel like you might otherwise scream.

Last week though, whilst finally finding a moment to get to the hairdresser (it had been 3 months and my hair was all roots and 90’s curtains) I was able to read my first copy of Grazia in what felt like forever, that really is my favourite part of the hairdresser which I otherwise slightly dread, getting to sit back for a couple of hours and indulge in some quality mag reading. Anyway I digress, Grazia had dedicated almost the entire issue to ‘switching off.’ It felt like a sign as I had become increasingly bored of it, and was feeling like I was spending way too much time looking at my phone. I hardly ever use Facebook now except to share my blog on as it seems to have become a constant stream of adverts or people pushing their political views on each other and scolding anyone that might dare think differently to them and then videos of dogs and cats doing sweet things (which I obviously love). Instagram seemed more and more self indulgent with people filtering their entire lives so as to make them look as perfect as is possible. It’s unhealthy and kind of annoying.

So following what was seemingly a very eye opening trip to the hair dresser I decided that I would join the ranks of the people of Grazia and put my phone down, stop scrolling and start living in the real world – or at least try. I certainly don’t want my tiff with social media to become a full on divorce (I’ve got a holiday coming up after all *photos galore*).

So with that I pranced home with my highlights done and my fringe brought back to this millennia and promptly told my husband that we were going to be ‘offline’ entirely every weekend and would have no use of our phones from 6pm onwards. This was promptly shot down as preposterous mainly as my supportive husband didn’t think I myself would be able to comply with this, so after much to’ing and fro’ing we decided that we would just make a conscious effort to not check social media every evening (maybe just the once) and when we’re together as a family on the weekend our phones can do one (until we are all fed up of each other and need that small escape from reality).

I’m about two weeks into my new relationship with social media and we are on much better terms now. I feel like (and this may seem extreme) the days are actually longer, in a good way. It’s surprising how much time you waste staring like a zombie at pictures and articles.  I also feel like I’m concentrating on me, my life and family rather than what other people are doing. Then those moment when I do sit down and have a good old scroll I’m less ‘urgh, annoying’ and more ‘aww lovely’.

How does everyone else feel about the role of social media in our lives? Do you feel you have a balance with it or that you (like me) can fall victim to over looking and sometimes over sharing?

 

 

 

Thinking outside the bubble

I know I bang on a lot about how much I love a bath, but honestly the humble bath is not merely a place to get clean after a long day, it’s a place of total relaxation, of solitude where you can think about the days events, giggle about events of the day, cry (I remember having the day 5 blues after Rex was born and crying in the bath for what felt like hours).

The Life Aquatic

I am a total water baby, I love it, adore it even. The sensation of being surrounded by water, floating around and diving in and out of it is the most natural and relaxing thing in the world to me.

Ciao Italia!

There is nothing quite like the feeling of booking a holiday, all the promise it holds, the rest and relaxation, good food, hopefully even a bit of sun. So when our friends told us they were off to Italy for a week and asked us to join, it took approximately 0.1 seconds to think it through and click ‘buy’ on our tickets.

Let’s talk about Flex

When I found out I was pregnant I was always SO sure I was going to go back to my job once my maternity leave had finished. I wasn’t going to be one of these people that let having a baby change the way I went about my day to day life (not too much anyway) plus who doesn’t need a pay cheque??